Snow Shoveling and Other Glamorous Winter Sports

After nine weeks of winter I’m ready to throw in the towel. Alright, I know it hasn’t really been nine weeks, but it sure seems like it. I feel like I’m trapped in a snow prison condemned to working on a snow shovel chain gang for the rest of my life. Day after day I clear out the old snow only to make room for the new snow. Each morning I trade nods with the other condemned men in my cell block who share the same fate. These wordless exchanges communicate the hopelessness of the situation more effectively than any words could. We know there is no escape from our snowbound hell.   

With much of the country buried in record snowfall and dealing with sub-zero temperatures and frequent blizzards, I’m wondering how NBC is going to get anyone interested in the Winter Olympics. Who wants to watch athletes falling down in the snow after spending weeks doing the same thing yourself just trying to make your way to the mailbox? Some people love winter and winter sports, including the Iditarod, literally “ride of the idiots” in Inuit. But I’m not one of them. I feel challenged in this weather just making a 5-minute trip to the convenience store in a heated SUV. Imagine doing one thousand miles by dog sled. So who needs winter sports or the Winter Olympics? Even Apolo Ohno decided the warmth and comfort of the announcer's booth was preferable to any attempt at a comeback in the 2014 Olympics. Besides, this year's games will probably be boring with half the teams, including Team USA, likely banned by the Russians for wearing designer outfits that are too gay.

The only people who seem to really like this weather are the weathermen. They are all smiles as they report record snowfalls and extreme low temperatures. They giggle like schoolgirls as they tell us about upcoming storms and sub-zero thermometer readings. Even when they try to put on a serious face as they warn of the dangers of frostbite in this weather, they can barely suppress their giddiness. And don’t even get them started on wind chill factors.

I shouldn't really complain though. There are other people who suffer terribly in this weather. You may have read Jeff Ward’s post on one of the hardest hit areas in Geneva – Fisher Farms.  I’m trying to organize a search party to find Jeff, who is feared missing in the snow drifts at the end of his driveway. This could be the worst winter disaster since the loss of the Donner Party. I was hoping to draw on some of that same community spirit that brought volunteers out to help sandbag at the Herrington when it was in danger of flooding this past spring. I’ve only had one call though so far and he was only interested in the reward. When I told him the only reward was the self-satisfaction of helping Jeff, he hung up. Sorry, Jeff, I tried. But never fear. The city plows should eventually reach you.