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A Gay Athlete’s Journey: The Difficult, 'Dual Life' of Geneva's Todd Searcy

Part 1: Geneva Hall of Fame and Fighting Illini football player Todd Searcy led a life of success and secrecy.

  • Author's Note: Todd Searcy, football star and honors student at Geneva High School from 1979-1983, decided to divulge the story of his journey as a gay athlete because he wants to share what he has learned about how to cope and survive, with the hope of helping others. This is the first of a three-part series. —Martha Quetsch


Former Geneva High School star football player and 2010 GHS Sports Hall of Fame honoree Todd Searcy realized that he was gay more than three decades ago.

In 1982, Searcy led one of coach Jerry Auchstetter’s best football teams in tackle points and sacks, as Geneva went undefeated in its regular season and won its first two playoff games by scores of 49-0 and 42-0 before falling in overtime in the semifinal game to the eventual state champion.

Thirty years ago, Searcy was named the first-ever Little Seven Conference Most Valuable Player.

Despite his athletic prowess, Searcy knew as a high-school junior and honors student that he was not attracted to girls in the same way his friends were. But that didn’t mean he lacked typical friendships with male teammates and classmates.

“We had a good group of guys and girls we hung out with,” said his friend and former GHS teammate, Jeff Hill.

Hill said he and Searcy, along with other teammates, would watch The Warrior on weekends to gear up for games. Basically, Searcy led a regular teenage athlete’s life. But he knew he was different, and he felt frustrated. He hoped he was wrong about his sexual preference.

“I thought it was just a phase,” Searcy said.

After being aggressively recruited by several Division I teams, Searcy signed a full-ride scholarship with the University of Illinois, where he played from 1983 to 1987 and “was just totally in the closet,” he said.

“I thought, ‘I’m not coming out,’ ” Searcy said.

He said he was afraid of what he perceived to be closed-mindedness and conservatism on the part of fellow college team members as well as his friends and family back home in Geneva.

Like his high school friends, his college classmates and teammates had no idea he was homosexual, which perplexed him.

“I always defended (gay rights) so that’s why it surprised me that no one thought I was gay,” Searcy said. “I guess I don’t have any of the characteristics people expect.”

Indeed, the 6-foot-3, 185-pound linebacker and offensive tackle was “all-man,” as society saw it. He wished he were what others thought he was.

“For me it was very frustrating. I thought, ‘Is there anything I can do not to be gay?' ” Searcy said.

He tried to convince himself that he was bisexual rather than homosexual. The pressure to conform was tremendous.

“All this is built up. I’m a football player, I’m from Geneva,” he said.

When Searcy was playing football at U of I, the first gay bars opened in Champaign, and more gay students were coming out of the closet. Still, he kept his sexuality a secret.

“I couldn’t tell anyone. I would have lost my scholarship, there was no doubt,” Searcy said.

Searcy wanted to continue playing football to ensure that he attained a degree. For that reason, he saw his football career as a business, he said. But college football is a difficult business, no matter who you are or what your sexual preference might be.

“I don’t think I was ever sworn at so much in my whole life,” Searcy said. “I punched my line coach once. He was trying to motivate me by smacking me on the side of the head. I just reached my breaking point.”

Searcy lettered three years for the Fighting Illini, on the roster for both the Rose Bowl in 1984 and the Peach Bowl in 1985. He earned Player of the Game awards against Iowa in ’84 and against Nebraska in ’85. In addition, he excelled academically, graduating in 1988 with a 3.95 GPA in business marketing.

In the shadow of his success at U of I, Searcy led a “dual life,” he said.

“I would leave my college friends after a night out and they were asleep, and go to the gay bars,” Searcy said. “I literally was like a double agent.”

But he grew tired of keeping the secret.

“I got sick of planning five steps ahead to prevent people from finding out,” Searcy said.

 

  • The second segment of this three-part series, “Health Crisis and Coming Out,” will look at the circumstances that led Searcy to reveal his sexual identity to his family.

Related Articles

  • Part 1: 
  • Part 2: A Gay Athlete's Journey: Todd Searcy's Decision to 'Come Out'
  • Part 3: A Gay Athlete's Journey: Todd Searcy Tackles AIDS

 

Tammy Testerman November 29, 2012 at 10:03 AM
We lived in a time were I could see that you would not want to come out.. Proud of you as a person and friend. I don't judge you... I respect you :) Tammy
Melody Ulin November 29, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Todd, Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to see the local schools support all groups by offering clubs and resources today. Again, Thank You! Melody Ulin - Geneva
Colin C. November 29, 2012 at 02:19 PM
Isn't it sad, how we torture people who are born with a sexual orientation that is considered by many to be "abnormal" or different. And then, irony of ironies, we use Christianity as our excuse for this hateful behavior.
Sue Nichols November 29, 2012 at 04:01 PM
Very nice story, Todd! Sue Nichols - Geneva (1983)
Lil November 29, 2012 at 05:25 PM
Why people like this^^^^ feel compelled to take every news story or cartoon and use it as a platform to launch an attack is beyond me.
Rob Brundige November 29, 2012 at 05:30 PM
“I couldn’t tell anyone. I would have lost my scholarship, there was no doubt,” This is such a sad quote. The fear he had that if he came out, everything would be ruined.
Peggie A. Boldt November 29, 2012 at 06:44 PM
Kudos to Martha Quetsch for her sensitive telling of this painful journey and kudos to Todd for his courage in sharing the details. I agree with Colin above - how sad when people use their Christianity or religion to justify judging others and making hateful remarks. It's wrong, it's cruel, and it's despicable. I look forward to reading the additional installments.
Mark November 29, 2012 at 08:01 PM
I must have read a different article. I don't see any references to Christians making hate-filled remarks. I think this courageous story has more to do with the stigma of being gay in the world of mens sports
Brian Searcy November 29, 2012 at 09:33 PM
Proud of you Todd! Love you
Colin C. November 29, 2012 at 10:08 PM
Lil, In this particular case it's not launching an attack, it's simply stating a truth.
Lil November 29, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Colin C. wrote: "....we use Christianity as our excuse for this hateful behavior." OK, Colin. There are certainly plenty of places on Patch to vent about religion and politics. Mr. Searcy's story is touching, courageous and interesting. Can we just leave it at that?
Beth November 30, 2012 at 12:07 AM
Great story! Thanks for having the strength and courage to tell it!
Kim Adams November 30, 2012 at 01:37 AM
Loved you then. Love you now. Proud of you and think writing this was awesome!
tom barman November 30, 2012 at 01:20 PM
Don't judge Christians, it is like judging Gays.
Noel Jackson November 30, 2012 at 05:15 PM
Todd - I can only imagine how difficult it was to hide your true self. That's heartbreaking. Geneva was a very small town when we were growing up and extremely traditional in so many ways. I'm so proud of you for sharing such a personal journey with all of us. I hope that others, not just athletes, gain strength in your story and feel more confident to embrace who they really are. I hope you are surrounded by friends and family who continue to love and support you! Noël (Johnson) Jackson - 1985
Colin C. November 30, 2012 at 06:35 PM
Tom, I beg to differ. I think that judging an institution that adheres to a policy that promotes discrimination is far different than judging those who are the victims of that discrimination.
Colin C. November 30, 2012 at 06:57 PM
I brought the discrimination against the LGBT community by Christianity into this discussion. I did so because, like it or not, that mindset on the part of some people and churches that consider themselves to be Christian and who claim to base their opinion that homosexuality is a sin on several passages in the Bible have played a significant role in the discrimination that is the focus of this story. I worked for nearly 40 years as a teacher and counselor, mostly with youth. I cannot begin to recount the number of young people I worked with whose lives were virtually destroyed by the view that their church took on their sexual orientation. How many times did I hear "I can't understand why anyone could possibly believe that I chose this for myself; to be bullied, ostracized, disowned, rejected, beaten, hated, called a sinful person or even a sin itself....?!? I have tried therapy, religion, abstinence, everything that they have suggested and it makes no difference. I knew by the time I was 12, it's who I am, who I was born to be, the way God made me." Some of the people that I worked with have accepted and moved on to live good and productive lives. Some were lost to alcoholism and other addictions (very common in the community). Several committed suicide. This is a beautiful story. I feel as though I know Todd and am so proud of what he has done and I believe that he will do. I am deeply saddened for all that he and so many others have had to endure.
Mike November 30, 2012 at 07:26 PM
Colin, you sound like you have a lot of hatred in your heart, I hope you can find peace.
Colin C. December 01, 2012 at 01:49 AM
Mike, Thanks for your attempt at analysis and your good wishes. Most of my anger (very different from hatred) turned to sadness many years ago. All of this pain is just so unnecessary.
TJ December 01, 2012 at 04:12 AM
You're missing the point, Coiln. Young men, athletes, there's a tribal thing going on there. Trust me I lived it. Not a safe place to 'come out'. especially 25 years ago.
Colin C. December 01, 2012 at 03:07 PM
No T.J., I’m not missing the point. In the 50s I attended a private boy’s prep school where 175 teen boy lived together. I lettered in three sports. I saw the constant harassment of anyone who showed the slightest hint of “softness”. I don’t know how some of those who were somewhat effeminate survived. I did nothing to stop it because I would have become a target. It was frequently pretty brutal and that was accepted as "normal", as I guess it was at that time. That does not make it right. Today my school is co-ed, has a “Gay-Straight Alliance” organization and a number of students are “out”. Several are on the football team. Their school play this fall was “The Laramie Project” which is based on the murder of Matthew Shepard. it’s interesting that among many young people today sexual orientation is not a major issue. At the same time many churches, including the one to which I belong, are engaged in bitter conflict on this issue. I am firmly on the side of acceptance and full inclusion. I’ve seen a lot of strife and agony over all sorts of civil rights and acceptance issues in my life. I am encouraged that we are making progress. Todd’s story, his willingness to share it with us, and the general reaction that I have seen in the Patch shows just how far we have come since I was in high school. Hooray for those who have literally put their lives on the line to move us this far. We owe them more that we can repay.
Todd Searcy December 03, 2012 at 10:57 PM
I would like to thank everyone for their support and kind words. I think it is important to share all of this love and support with my gay friends from Geneva who probably experienced similar feelings and thoughts. Here is what I was hoping would come out of the article: 1) Practice safe sex!!! It only takes one time to change your life forever. Teach your kids about safe sex and either abstain or wear a CONDOM. 2) That Medical Marijuana is a viable medicine for those with severe illnesses like HIV/AIDS,Cancer etc. 3) The struggle that many gays have coming out of the closet. 4) Most importantly I have learned that when I tell people that I am gay or have HIV/AIDS eventually almost all begin to understand and start to see both topics in a different light. Through this education I have seen many change their ideas and beliefs. I am hoping that this story will continue to do that. Thank you again for everyone's support
Peggie A. Boldt December 04, 2012 at 07:15 AM
I enjoyed the articles very much and also everyone's comments. Hopefully, this will further Todd's efforts to educate people and promote greater awareness on the subject. Thanks again Todd for being a man of courage and great strength, to Martha for her insight and good storytelling, and to all who have participated in this discussion.

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