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Jeff Ward: And the First Annual 'What the (Bleep) Were You Thinking?' Award Goes to ...

... DuPage County Sheriff John Zaruba!

Don’t you love just those overzealous and congenial folks who are always willing to prove the old adage that truth is stranger than fiction? I know I do! They make this columnist’s life exponentially easier.

Though we’re not even half way through it, I’m ready to pass out this year’s heralded and highly sought after first annual “What the (Bleep) Were You Thinking?” award. You can decide for yourself what the “bleep” stands for. Some people say this prize is more prestigious than a Peabody.

Since no one could possibly top this stunt, the 2012 “What the (Bleep)” honor goes to none other than DuPage County Sheriff John Zaruba. Congratulations, sir! We’re all looking forward to your acceptance speech.

Through your amazing capacity to exercise unparalleled bad judgment, you managed to beat out contenders such as Sarah Palin, the entire Secret Service, Ted Nugent, Newt Gingrich, Lindsay Lohan, the entire GSA, Anthony Weiner, Donald Trump and Congressman Joe Walsh. That’s no small accomplishment.

According to a Better Government Association report, not only did Sheriff Zaruba decide it was a good idea to let his then 18-year-old son participate in multiple deputy ride-alongs while wearing a DuPage Sheriff's Office windbreaker, but to actually chase down and later confront a perp.

Yes! On April 23, 2011, after a deputy pulled over a white Ford Tempo on 75th Street, the younger Zaruba exited the squad car and pursued the fleeing suspect on foot.

But wait, there’s more!

After running the plate, the suspect’s father told the BGA that the sheriff, his son, Patrick, and other deputies showed up “all in uniform” and tried to enter his home despite the lack of a search warrant. The father added that he assumed the sheriff’s son was a police officer because that’s exactly what any rational person would do.

The suspect eventually give himself up, but neither police report mentioned anything about Patrick Zaruba’s participation in this escapade.

But here’s what tipped the "What the (Bleep)" award scales in Zaruba’s favor: In his written response to the BGA, our illustrious sheriff claimed his son “responded in an appropriate way.”

Apparently, Zaruba thinks it’s appropriate to put his deputies and son at risk by allowing an untrained nitwit to play cops and robbers whenever he threatens to hold his breath. And, silly me! I thought risking all those DuPage County taxpayer dollars on a large liability lawsuit might be considered inappropriate, too!

Of course, neither Zaruba had the courage to talk to the press, because being DuPage County sheriff means never having to say you’re sorry. He believes the office to which he was elected—by you—is nothing more than the Zaruba family playground.

In lieu of the sheriff, I did call DuPage County Chairman Dan Cronin to get his slant on this fascinating prospect, but he didn’t think it was important enough to respond. So much for someone I once considered to be a “rising political star.” Perhaps I need to come up with a “Chicken (Bleep) Of the Year” award, because he’s certainly in the running.

DuPage State’s Attorney Bob Berlin actually did have the nerve to respond, but when I asked him if he planned to charge Patrick Zaruba with impersonating a police officer, he said there was no evidence that he wore a uniform.

I suppose wearing the windbreaker, a duty belt with flashlight, a bulletproof vest, and carrying a police radio doesn’t count. That’s good to know! I’ve been thinking about making a few DuPage County traffic stops of my own.

Berlin also explained that exiting a patrol car during a ride along did not violate DuPage County policy. Why am I not surprised?

Ah! But just when I thought the possibility of just one responsible DuPage County politician was even more remote than a Ron Paul presidency, Paul Fichtner, chairman of the DuPage County Board Finance Committee, called this news “disturbing.” He noted that, had something gone wrong, neither Zaruba would have had to pay the legal bills.

I also want to give a shout out to the deputies who had the courage and intelligence to go to CBS News and the BGA with this abject stupidity. Though it’s really not setting the bar too high, they certainly have better judgment than their boss. No police officer should have to play nanny to an immature 18-year-old who really ought to know better, even if his father doesn’t.

This is the point at which I’d normally call for Sheriff Zaruba’s resignation, but he clearly doesn’t have that kind of self-respect. In fact, considering his already interesting history, I’m convinced he’s already busy working how he can win next year’s “What the (Bleep) Were You Thinking?” award.

I'm rooting for you, sir! I can’t wait to see what he comes up with next!

Thomas May 04, 2012 at 04:57 PM
No comments in nearly 7 hours, this has to be a record. Maybe everyone is afraid of the Sheriff's department. LOL
Jeff Ward May 04, 2012 at 04:57 PM
What! Don't tell me the reason you all aren't commenting is that you agree with me! I'm not ready for that. What about you DuPage Countians voting this mope out! Jeff
bobrzik May 04, 2012 at 05:05 PM
Maybe nobody cares about what you write, Jeff.
Jeff Ward May 04, 2012 at 05:40 PM
Then why do my columns keep getting the largest amount of hits each month? Is it some sort of paradox?
Jasssper Ward May 04, 2012 at 06:14 PM
Jeff should get the award for most verbal diarrhea spewed in 1 year.
Molly R. O'Brien May 04, 2012 at 07:38 PM
Mark Stern is the hit leader for the Wheaton Patch. He writes about real issues, and does his homework. You get your hits because you try and be outrageous, and all your leftie buddies get excited. Highly disingenuous.
John Mihas May 04, 2012 at 08:32 PM
Molly for Mayor of Wheaton
Jeff Ward May 04, 2012 at 08:40 PM
I can't tell you how nice it is to know just how much you all love me! And there's no hypocrisy in DuPage County - none whatsoever! (Imagine me whispering this in a low tone) Sshhhh! It's OK. He's a Republican sheriff.
J. Geoff Rove May 05, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Perhaps Junior intends to enter the bail bond industry in Hawaii ??
C Throckmorton May 05, 2012 at 12:42 PM
I loved your column Jeff! I'd like to see an extended version. Don't understand why people are so nasty - vitriolic - because they don't like it. How about a column on 21st century civility? I think it's very funny, there might even be a tv series in there.
Jeff Ward May 05, 2012 at 04:39 PM
Dear C, You are officially my favorite reader! Jeff
S. Choozy May 08, 2012 at 07:23 PM
excellent - you need to do more follow up on this story as its only the tip of the iceberg
T. Highway May 10, 2012 at 01:00 AM
Choozy is absolutely right! Taking campaign contributions from employees, awarding county contracts to companies that do not submit the lowest bid but are campaign contributors, letting his kid impersonate a police officer. Which is not something new. He has been doing it for a couple of years. What kind of a parent puts their kid in harms way like that?? Awarding deputy positions in the jail to family members of campaign contributors. Thirty-eight years with the County of Dupage is enough! He maxed out his pension years ago. The only reason he stays is for the power. Which he continues to lose more and more of because he expects his deputies to take care of him, instead of him taking care of them. His legacy will be the republican sheriff who brought the unions in. The sheriff's office is in desperate need of new leadership!!!!
teaze May 20, 2012 at 09:18 PM
I'm so happy I don't reside in Du Page county this sheriff is a disaster waiting to happen...did you know of the NATO radio disaster.... http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20120518/news/705189934/
Lindy Sullivan November 15, 2012 at 07:15 PM
MACY's and NBC should dump Trump! Trump rhimes with chump and that is not a pun it is unfortunately the truth. Macy's and NBC should drop this me first loser (many bankruptcies) that does not know what it takes to make money on his own. He received his start from his rich Dad and now he has filed for bankruptcy many times but he's "a leader in business." He's only a leader because he says so.
Big Daddy March 08, 2013 at 02:27 AM
i love your article Jeff!

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