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Health & Fitness

Vinegar and Sugar: Manners Apply in the Service Industry, Too

This is a blog on post-modern manners

Our country has become one that is less manufacturing and more customer service in the past few decades. The change seemed subtle to me until the depression of the past four years. Then, it smacked me in the face with such force that my head rocked.

If you do not work in the service industry, you may not have noticed the shift. I work in the service industry. One source of income for me is writing monthly e-newsletters for small business owners. I provide a service, and these owners pay me. Most of the time, this arrangement works nicely for both of us, but sometimes, I must fire a client. I am sorry to report that these firings have happened more often in the past four years, and you may be surprised to learn that this is because of the economy.

It is my belief that many people have figured out that small-business owners are terrified. We have good reason to be terrified. We have seen our businesses shrink or if—as in my case—we have grown, we take it as divine intervention and determined hard work. This is a tough time in our country and we all feel it but small business owners fear the apocalypse every day. We are worry-warts to begin with, and a down economy provokes terror.

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This environment has created an opportunity for a few to display their inner sovereign to those who provide service. You need only be in line at your local bank or Starbucks or cell phone provider to get an earful of what I’m talking about.  Customers throw epic tantrums, send seven-pump-vanilla-stir-the-whip-and-whip-on-top lattes back, put a full-court press on wait staff in restaurants and arrive late for haircuts and manicures expecting it to be tolerated—because they can.  They figure—and to a degree they are correct—that we are all so terrified of what could be bad word of mouth that we will twist ourselves into pretzels to please them.

I come from an east coast restaurant family and worked for my father through high school and college. One evening, a man called me the "b" word because he did not think he should pay extra for our delicious homemade bleu cheese dressing, even though the menu clearly stated that he would. My father was over 6 feet tall, but he could move with surprising speed. He got to that table before the man could say another word.   

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Out, my father said. And don’t come back.

On another evening, a white customer called one of our African American servers “boy” when requesting another cocktail.

Out, my father said. And don’t come back.

My father did not discriminate when it came to firing customers. Oddly, people respected him and chose to behave by the rules of the house. Why? Because we provided great food, atmosphere, drinks and service, and our restaurant was beloved in the community. No one wanted to be sent to the hinterland, barred from the scrumptious steaks and seafood—not to mention my father’s hilarious stories—for eternity. Throwing a hissy fit or being profane was just not worth it. I am sorry to tell you that we have lost these clearly defined boundaries when it comes to how we treat those from whom we buy. In part it is the fault of the business owners bowing and scraping, slaves to this woeful economy and the decline in good manners. As my father well knew, self-respect begets respect. Sometimes, you have to bell the cat. Or fire it.

Now, I am not advocating providing or tolerating poor service because we should not do that. What I am suggesting is there are ways to express disappointment without going to dragon-breathing extremes. Most of the time, a cool head and a kind word will have the service provider doing back flips for you. Trust me on this one. Be nice and you will get nice.

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