Opinion: It Ain't Easy Being White

Good Lord! If you listen to ‘em long enough, the only conclusion you could possibly come to is Caucasian Republican males are the most persecuted people on the planet.

The fact they enjoy virtually every position of power, every economic benefit, a slew of educational advantages, and they don’t get stopped for being in the “wrong” neighborhood, isn’t nearly enough to offset the abuse they regularly have to endure at the hands of those dastardly racist Democrats.

To quote one of the most egregious over-actors of our time, “The horror; the horror!”

So this time, in what only can be described as an affront of historical proportions, during a heated charter school debate, that despicable Democratic State Rep, Linda Chapa Lavia, had the temerity to infer that her GOP compatriots had no clue as to what it really means to be a minority.

And the fact that only one of their 47 members actually is a minority, did nothing to prevent them from immediately resorting to the gnashing of teeth, rending of garments, and generally running around in circles screaming the sky is falling.

How dare anyone accuse 46 white people of failing to understand the inherent challenges that come along with brown skin.

When Ms. Chapa Lavia subsequently issued her now infamous “we have a half” statement, I thought their collective heads would explode. So much for wishful thinking.

Of course, the Republicans, who’ve clearly taken the title for taking affront away from Jewish mothers everywhere, went into complete conniptions. Why, I haven’t seen that much uncontrollable weeping since that Game of Thrones wedding massacre.

Then, in what can only be described as an amazing irony, as if to say some of their best friends are black, those irretrievably offended reps immediately flocked to their lone minority member, Plainfield State Rep John Anthony. Anthony is black with some Puerto Rican heritage.

I’m surprised the GOP doesn't try to count him as two minorities.

What the mortally wounded Illinois GOP failed to mention is, not only did Mr. Anthony have to be appointed, but he’s the first Republican African-American state rep since they abolished multi-member districts back in 1983.

And if you do the math, that comes out to just one minority Illinois House member of the approximately 500 Republicans who've passed through that body since that time. And he wasn’t even elected.

Who says the GOP isn’t the party of inclusion? Oh that’s right! Rand Paul.

Back when I toiled for newspapers, I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down with Mr. Anthony at length. Not only is he one of the finest people I’ve ever met, but, though the former sheriff’s deputy would never say it out loud, he was very specific about the indignities he’d suffered at the hands of his Kendall County compatriots and many Illinois Republicans.

So when State Rep Lavia basically accused House GOP members of being out of touch with minorities, with all the facts in, maybe she was bleepin’ right!

For argument’s sake, let’s say her “half” comment was indeed directed at Representative Anthony.

So what?

One of the very few perks of being a minority in this country is that you get to use N-word (or its equivalent) without repercussion. And some white people (Laura Ingraham) can't even handle that! But when you truly consider how much fun it is to be black or Hispanic in U.S., out of the vast generosity of my pasty white heart, I'm willing to let it go.

But you wanna know what the most ironic thing in all of this is? Not only has Linda Chapa Lavia done more for minority education in the State of Illinois than all those Republican reps combined, but she actually wanted to be a Republican.

Remember when Ronald Reagan said, “Hispanics are Republicans. They just don’t know it yet.” There’s certainly something to that.

So when Linda came back to Illinois, she approached Denny Hastert and Dallas Ingemunson, the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum of Kendall County Republican power brokers, about running for State Rep.  And you know what they said? They told her to go home!

You see, there was no room in the party for an uppity Latina from Texas.

And suddenly it’s Republicans who are offended? Apologize? If I were Linda, I’d tell ‘em to kiss my not-so-pasty brown…

Jeff Ward is a former 8-year opinion columnist for the Sun-Times Media Group, he hosts Left, Right and You on WRMN AM1410 every Thursday from 3 to 4 p.m., and you can catch more of his thoughts at www.thefirstward.net.