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The Best of Jeff Ward: Take This Sidewalk and Shovel It
Jeff Ward is on vacation this week, so we're re-running some of his previous columns.
- Editor's note: Jeff Ward is on vacation this week, so we're running some of his old columns in his usual time slots at 5 a.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This is the first column Jeff wrote for Geneva Patch. And thank goodness, the issue he's writing about here (hopefully) won't come up again for another six months.
So now I’m in trouble again. Ah well! I’ll just add the new restraining orders to the pile. Apparently, no good can come of, even inadvertently, teaching 20 middle school bus-stop children a slew of new four-letter word combinations.
Although, in the great American tradition of placing personal responsibility at the feet of anyone but yourself, I’m going to lay blame for my foul mouth squarely on that 25 percent of Genevans who, for whatever reason, refuse to remove the snow from their sidewalks.
If not for you, I wouldn’t have been walking in our Fisher Farms streets during last week’s tropical heat wave. And if I wasn’t forced to avoid some sidewalks, I wouldn’t have slipped on that thin layer of ice heinously hiding underneath the plume of water shed by the melting snow. And if I hadn’t slipped on that sneaky ice, I probably wouldn’t have issued the string of ear-burning epithets that’s the cause of my current predicament.
When it comes to sidewalk clearing, the problem is it’s only as good as its weakest link. All it takes is one couch potato and Heartland Elementary children are walking to school in slippery streets while late-for-work residents whiz right by them in SUVs.
Even more embarrassing, the mayor felt the need to come out to Fisher Farms, Pepper Valley and other Geneva subdivisions to help shovel snow after our winter “event.” C’mon! Isn’t having to deal with 10 cantankerous aldermen on a regular basis difficult enough?
Mayor Burns said he lent a shovel because he “had concerns about some Genevans facing that volume of snow.” He also said he enjoyed helping out because, “You get to have a conversation with people.” While that’s all well and good, I hope none of you took advantage of his general good nature.
Things may look pretty good right now, but anyone who’s lived in the Midwest for any length of time knows this thaw is just another one of Mother Nature’s taunting tricks. Don’t tempt her by putting that snow blower away just yet. And when that next batch of winter white stuff does hit, SHOVEL YOUR BLOODY SIDEWALK. Don’t make me lobby for a Chicago-like clear-walkway ordinance.
Of course, we’re not talking about the folks who might find a foot of snow a bit of a challenge. We’re only discussing able-bodied Genevans who certainly had no problem clearing their driveways.
And when you’re done with your sidewalk, why not follow in the fine footsteps of the mayor by digging out those who truly need a helping hand. If snow removal poses a clear health risk and you find yourself running short on helpful neighbors, Mayor Burns said to give him a call and he’d be happy to help out. Then I thought, “what the heck!” and told the mayor to give me a buzz so I could join in any effort.
Come to think of it, Mayor Burns is almost as artful with the four-letter words as I am. If we ended up clearing the same sidewalks, we might just set some sort of foul language record. And I’m thinking the threat of the two of us showing up at your front door, shovels in hand, might just work better than any ordinance.
Am I being too harsh or should we start leaving nasty notes in lazy neighbors' mailboxes?
Tell us in the comments.
Thanks. We'll email you the next time we update this story.
Sandy Klimowski
5:47 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
I totally agree. Try walking a dog in the street with the SUV's flying by. At least a child knows that he/she should stay next to the curb. A dog has no clue. But, now that the snow has cleared for awhile, I have a neighbor whose dog did his duty all over the snow on the SIDEWALK. Piles and piles of it. Have they cleaned that up? NO WAY. I'd rather have the snow than that.
Jeff Ward
7:07 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
Dear S.
I too noticed the high level of doggy leavings revealed by the melting snow. I'm gonna start naming names!
Sean H
9:54 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
from sore back in geneva east.
I could not agree more.I had to shovel the entire west side of eastside dr from the bike trail to long meadow because the kids that walk to Harrison school were walking on eastside dr.of the five houses on that stretch not one made an attempt at clearing there sidewalk,but they all had there driveways nice and clear.one house even had a massive snowblower parked in his garage.
too all the people who did not shovel there sidewalks.how would you feel if someone especially a kid got hit by a car or hurt in front of your house because you did not clear your walkway?
reafly
9:54 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
It isn't just the sidewalks left unshoveled. What about the corners at intersections. The daunting task of clearing nearly 5 foot high plowed snow from two sidewalks at intersections makes one pause to consider is it worth risking personal safety and health? The piled snow doesn't stop there, it continues out in to the street and that needs to be cleared as well. Now I know to call Mayor Burns and he will gladly come out and help me.
Terri H
10:14 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
Totally agree! I was with you walking in the streets of Fisher Farms. Please people, some people do go out and walk in the winter, nevermind our children getting to the bus. Please shovel!!
John Gotti
10:52 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
Maybe offer a City worker a "beer" or "cash" then it will get done???????UMMMMMMM(J.W)
Jeff Ward
11:45 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
Mr. Gotti (I'm sure that's your real name),
Someone actually did just that in Fisher Farms and Public Works, whose management and employees are generally surly to begin with, highly frown on that kind of behavior. Then I heard they thought it was me that offered the bribe/reward!
For the record! I have never offered a public works employee money or beer! The only thing I'd offer any of em is a would be a ... well let's not go there.
So to my fellow Fisher Farmsians, DO NOT OFFER PUBLIC WORKS WORKERS money or beer or I'll get in even more trouble!
Jeff
Emily
11:47 am on Monday, February 21, 2011
You know what's more annoying than unshoveled sidewalks? People who complain about them. Yes, there is no good reason for an able-bodied person to not shovel their sidewalk. In fact, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who thinks snow covered sidewalks is a great idea. However, leaving nasty notes in a lazy neighbor's mailbox won't change anyone's action and will only create new problems. Instead, shovel your neighbor's walk for them. I find that's an excellent way to drop a hint and keep the peace with your neighbor.
Jim Shorts
12:01 pm on Monday, February 21, 2011
Worse yet, I have a few neighbors that pile their snow from the drive on the sidewalk - get real! These are obviously the people who are sedentary and don't leave their house outside of driving their SUV to the store.
Rudy
12:34 pm on Monday, February 21, 2011
I snow blew my neighbors sidewalk albeit 1 narrow pass and guess what he got the hint and shovels (snow blows it now. The old neighbor would invite me in for a quick beer so I always made sure to help him out since he had a bad back. I think geneva Parents we should get involved I as a lad use to clean up when it snowed. I would leave notes alright but mine would say I will shovel your walk for $5 or driveway to for $10 most peolple would gladly give me $10 to avoid the drama and I earned spending money! I also convinced many of the older ladies and gentleman it was much easier on them for me to mow their lawns. I use to bring in $70-$80 a week in the summer and that was 197? and 80's dollars.
Emily
2:21 pm on Monday, February 21, 2011
Good for you, Rudy! Not only nice, but enterprising as well. Much better than harboring resentment. My kids and I shoveled the walk of a neighbor. It solved the snowy sidewalk problem without confrontation, made my kids feel good for helping, and everyone got some exercise.
Beth
1:39 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
I am so happy to see you writing for The Patch! You always say what I am thinking. That could seem very scary to many but I am always happy to know I can share being right all the time with at least one other person.
Kimberly Kozar
3:42 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
Yes - I think that's scary, but we'll see how you feel after you read Jeff's column on Monday;) You are both great assets to Patch!
Jeff Ward
2:22 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
Beth,
Thanks! Ironically, I'm going to disagree with you about Borders in my Monday piece, but it's a minor point!
Jeff
Beth
4:33 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
I am not the Beth you think I am! I WILL probably agree. If I wrote for Patch along with Jeff, Geneva would never be the same.
The 'other' Beth
Jeff Ward
6:29 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
Beth,
You're right! I thought you were Beth Bales. The columns for Patch will probably be a little more stream of consciousness than those for the Beacon or Courier-News, but I always try to make 'em humorous!
I still appreciate the compliment!
jeff
Beth Bales
8:28 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
Hi -- it's me: Beth Bales. Looking forward to reading your Borders piece. I was already brought up short today by someone who pointed out the very real human costs involved with the closing, that of the loss of jobs. Much to my chagrin, I did not acknowledge that. NO ONE ever wants to see someone lose a job and that's been all too common an occurrence these past several years.
Jeff Ward
9:35 pm on Thursday, February 24, 2011
Beth,
I actually agree with you thoughts on the Karma of the Borders closings and think what's happening, considering their inability to adapt, has become inevitable. Borders has fallen prey to that which killed independent bookstores - the belief that their mere existence should be enough to get people to shop there.
The minor point I actually disagree with is a willingness to pay $25 to keep bookstores afloat. Those memberships drive me nuts. I'm the customer - not them. I shouldn't have to pay for the privilege to shop at your store!
A Tribune columnist also lamented that if 1/10th of the folks showing up for the Borders closing sales regularly patronized the stores, they wouldn't close. That's lunacy. Like so many downtown Geneva stores, if you don't give me a good reason to walk through your door, then why should I?
I'll explain more on Monday.
Jeff