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Community Corner

The Best of Jeff Ward: Take This Sidewalk and Shovel It

Jeff Ward is on vacation this week, so we're re-running some of his previous columns.

  • Editor's note: Jeff Ward is on vacation this week, so we're running some of his old columns in his usual time slots at 5 a.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This is the first column Jeff wrote for Geneva Patch. And thank goodness, the issue he's writing about here (hopefully) won't come up again for another six months. 

So now I’m in trouble again. Ah well! I’ll just add the new restraining orders to the pile. Apparently, no good can come of, even inadvertently, teaching 20 middle school bus-stop children a slew of new four-letter word combinations.

Although, in the great American tradition of placing personal responsibility at the feet of anyone but yourself, I’m going to lay blame for my foul mouth squarely on that 25 percent of Genevans who, for whatever reason, refuse to remove the snow from their sidewalks.

If not for you, I wouldn’t have been walking in our Fisher Farms streets during last week’s tropical heat wave. And if I wasn’t forced to avoid some sidewalks, I wouldn’t have slipped on that thin layer of ice heinously hiding underneath the plume of water shed by the melting snow. And if I hadn’t slipped on that sneaky ice, I probably wouldn’t have issued the string of ear-burning epithets that’s the cause of my current predicament.

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When it comes to sidewalk clearing, the problem is it’s only as good as its weakest link. All it takes is one couch potato and Heartland Elementary children are walking to school in slippery streets while late-for-work residents whiz right by them in SUVs.

Even more embarrassing, the mayor felt the need to come out to Fisher Farms, Pepper Valley and other Geneva subdivisions to help shovel snow after our winter “event.” C’mon! Isn’t having to deal with 10 cantankerous aldermen on a regular basis difficult enough? 

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Mayor Burns said he lent a shovel because he “had concerns about some Genevans facing that volume of snow.” He also said he enjoyed helping out because, “You get to have a conversation with people.” While that’s all well and good, I hope none of you took advantage of his general good nature.

Things may look pretty good right now, but anyone who’s lived in the Midwest for any length of time knows this thaw is just another one of Mother Nature’s taunting tricks. Don’t tempt her by putting that snow blower away just yet. And when that next batch of winter white stuff does hit, SHOVEL YOUR BLOODY SIDEWALK. Don’t make me lobby for a Chicago-like clear-walkway ordinance.

Of course, we’re not talking about the folks who might find a foot of snow a bit of a challenge. We’re only discussing able-bodied Genevans who certainly had no problem clearing their driveways.

And when you’re done with your sidewalk, why not follow in the fine footsteps of the mayor by digging out those who truly need a helping hand. If snow removal poses a clear health risk and you find yourself running short on helpful neighbors, Mayor Burns said to give him a call and he’d be happy to help out. Then I thought, “what the heck!” and told the mayor to give me a buzz so I could join in any effort.

Come to think of it, Mayor Burns is almost as artful with the four-letter words as I am. If we ended up clearing the same sidewalks, we might just set some sort of foul language record. And I’m thinking the threat of the two of us showing up at your front door, shovels in hand, might just work better than any ordinance.

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