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Jeff Ward: What We Can All Learn From Shaun Wild's Death
If we look inside ourselves, we can take something away from this senseless act.
Shaun Wild, an alumnus of North Central College died of injuries he suffered in in an stabbing Saturday.
North Central College
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This kind of thing happens on Patch all the time. Combine a hint of anonymity with some touchy topics and that thin veneer of civilization can drop faster than those congressional approval ratings.
I’d even considered sponsoring a contest to see if any reader could actually come up with an epithet that hasn’t already been hurled my way, but I believe it’s all been said. In the end, I let it go because it’s something I’ve come to expect.
But two complete strangers sitting together in a bar? That one baffles me.
We’ve all heard the disturbing news reports detailing the circumstance surrounding the murder of 24-year-old Naperville second-grade teacher Shaun Wild at 1 a.m. on Feb. 4 at a Naperville night club. And the truly tragic irony is that Wild was playing peacemaker when he was fatally stabbed.
While the Daily Herald headline, “No way to make sense of slaying,” is on the mark, that kind of thinking ultimately leaves us powerless in the grip of a cruel God who would allow this kind of “random” thing to happen.
Shaun Wild’s untimely death was, indeed, senseless, but unless his attacker turns out to be mentally ill, it’s only by attempting to apply some sort of framework to the events leading up to it that gives us any hope of avoiding a similar, seemingly random fate.
For all the obvious reasons, the officials involved in this investigation aren’t talking, but from the vast amount of ink the story has received, here’s what I believe happened.
Wild, a former standout punter, and Willie Hayes, a current defensive end, were part of a group of North Central College football players who got together for drinks at Frankie’s Blue Room that night.
Daniel Olaska, 27, a Naperville High School graduate and managing supervisor at Schaumburg Regional Airport, was drinking alone at the same crowded bar when, by sheer accident, he and Hayes found themselves sitting at the same table.
Maybe it was supposed to be good natured ribbing or maybe it was supposed to be something else, but for reasons only he can explain, Hayes began making fun of Olaska for drinking beer from a wine glass.
Considering how our culture values and encourages athletes who ascend to alpha male status, maybe it was more along the lines of taunting.
Olaska, who had clearly been picked on in the past, either wasn’t in the mood or didn’t take it as a joke. And we know, there had to be some precipitating event in his life because law-abiding citizens don’t feel the need to carry a concealed 5-inch folding knife.
This time, despite the utterly inconsequential nature of the jibe, he wasn’t going to take it anymore. So despite their size differential, Olaska started taunting the muscular Hayes about his too-tight T-shirt.
This is the point at which Hayes, a team leader, should’ve apologized, offered to buy Olaska a beer, and walked away. But now incensed himself, both men stood up and the verbal altercation escalated.
Enter Shaun Wild, who did exactly the right thing by attempting to calm them down, made them shake hands, and seemingly ended an unnecessary confrontation.
But, because alcohol was involved, Olaska can’t let it go. And in a furious and inexplicable overreaction to something that happened to him years ago, he grabs the knife, leaps up from the table, stabs Hayes in the arm and mortally wounds Wild in the chest as he comes to Hayes’ aid.
In less than 10 seconds, a multitude of lives are forever altered, and none of them for the better.
Wild’s family and friends now mourn an exceptionally talented man with a bright future cut short by a senseless act. His second-grade students, who can barely comprehend the concept of life, now have to contend with the realities of death.
Olaska, who according to friends, hasn’t had as much as a parking ticket, faces a minimum of 32 years in prison, if convicted. His family and friends not only mourn the death of Shaun Wild, but that of another life that, for all intents and purposes, is also over.
Hayes will have to live with the choices he made that evening and the death of his friend for the rest of his life.
Again, my intent isn’t to point a finger here, and I certainly don’t want to cause more pain—there’s more than enough of that to go around. But the only way we can choose not to be victims of a similar circumstance, is if each one of us takes something away from that tragic evening and applies it to our own lives.
Some are trying to blame the night club, but there’s nothing they could’ve done to prevent this. Others have scoured Facebook in search of a conspiracy-laden clue as to why Olaska “just snapped,” but that effort is just as futile.
When I think back to some of the silly confrontations of my youth, I’m surprised I’m still here. But maybe it’s stories like this one and the fact I somehow survived that stupidity that finally made me realize that being cut off in traffic is not an offense that requires a countermeasure.
It was Thoreau who said “most men lead quiet lives of desperation,” and on this planet of 6 billion people, we’re bound to cross paths with folks who believe themselves to be on the wrong end of a raw deal. And when we do, remember this: While we're not responsible for solving the problems of these desperate souls, despite whatever offense they might offer, it makes no sense to add to them, either.
Thanks. We'll email you the next time we update this story.
Robert Bykowski
9:37 am on Friday, February 10, 2012
nice column, Jeff.
Melanie C
10:09 am on Friday, February 10, 2012
Thank you for such a heartfelt article, Jeff. These families are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jeff Ward
10:10 am on Friday, February 10, 2012
Robert,
Thanks! It might have been the most difficult one I've ever written. But as all writers know, sometimes the column picks you!
Jeff
Sonja Holzman
10:36 am on Friday, February 10, 2012
Well done. I am increasingly impressed with your gift of words - I say increasingly only because I am new to your column. Truly senseless, but I like your idea of taking away something that rings true to you.
Jeff Ward
11:00 am on Friday, February 10, 2012
Sonja,
Thanks!
Jeff
Theresa B.
12:46 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
What a great article! What a great spin on such a heart-breaking story. You definitely brought tears to my eyes and put such a simple lesson into amazing words! Job well done!
Lee Campana
2:03 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Very well written column, Jeff.
Lee C
Cait neuman
2:59 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Wild was cut on the arm when olaska first stabbed Hayes in the chest....then when olaska tried to flee the scene and wild tried to stop him...olaska turned around and stabbed wild in the chest which killed him...
Anne Blaeske
3:47 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Excellent, Jeff! You wrote what I was thinking.... I find it horrific that the peacemaker died, especially because his friend felt the need to taunt a total stranger in a bar.
Charles Emout
5:51 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Nice article Jeff! This event certainly occured at the confluence of many bad decisions. While thinking about this tragic event, I can't help but hear my parent's advice to me while growing up, "Nothing good happens after 10 o'clock." Six simple words, that if heeded, could have altered the trajectory of many lives in this instance.
Jeff Ward
5:55 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Charles,
I thought I was just getting old, but these days, on the rare occasion I'm out, I have one beer and I'm in bed by 10 p.m.
Though nothing is foolproof, I believe you can shift the odds in your favor.
Jeff
Tim C
6:16 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
Were you there that night? I find your article disgusting! Olaska chose to walk in a bar with a knife. He harassed other people including two women before moving on to Hayes and Wild. Making a comment that someone doesn't like doesn't usually result in getting stabbed and murdered.
Suggesting that Hayes should feel guilty or responsible is appalling! You should be ashamed of yourself for blaming the victims in this case. Fortunately Olaska will have plenty of time in prison to think about what he did.
Erin P.
8:21 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
"This is the point at which Hayes, a team leader, should’ve apologized, offered to buy Olaska a beer, and walked away. But now incensed himself, both men stood up and the verbal altercation escalated." There is video tape evidence showing Hayes stand up, shake Olaska's hand, and pat him on the back immediately before Olaska pulled out his knife. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to portray Hayes in this manner. Do not write articles on what you believed happened, especially in an incident that ended with a great young man dead and hundreds affected.
Susan Carroll
8:12 am on Saturday, February 11, 2012
The first time I read this, I thought, "How does Mr. Ward know Mr. Osaka 'clearly had been picked on in the past?' How does Mr. Ward know Mr. Hayes was 'taunting' Mr. Osaka or acting like an 'alpha male?" Now I know he was basing his article on assumptions. How incredibly irresponsible and lazy.
I know Mr. Ward is fond of reminding us of just how many articles he writes for a wide variety of publications each week; maybe that's why he doesn't have time to do any research. But this isn't a story about some far away politician or celebrity who isn't going to read this column anyways; his sloppy assumptions in this case can hurt real people. I'm going to go ahead and assume this will not be one of his award-winning columns.
Brad Griffin
11:26 am on Friday, February 17, 2012
That info is not accurate. The 2 men shook hands several minutes before their conversation escalated and Hayes never patted Olaska on the back.
JC
11:56 pm on Friday, February 10, 2012
There is only one bully in this story--- Mr Olaska!! He took away a beloved teacher at my daughter's school. She loved working with him. He will never be forgotten. Let's not confuse the victims of this story. Mr Olaska is not a victim. He had choices!!! He needs to live with them.
Gina E
12:53 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
As Shaun's aunt I'm privy to more info than that presented here & some conclusions drawn are based on "assumptions" rather than facts. I believe you made some good points in general. But, conjuring up your own scenario of what "may" have taken place doesn't make it so and is misleading and people often interpret it as fact. I believe it's likely an attempt to try to explain a situation our minds have trouble fathoming. I too am trying to make some sense out of this. We want the puzzles pieces to fit even if they don't. And, it's likely they never will. What was going on under the surface for Mr. Olaska? I don't know. But, video reveals that prior to the altercation w/ Hayes he had been harassing others in the bar, following a couple of girls outside & preventing one from getting her coat. Cussing at a couple simply discussing the SuperBowl. And, he actually taunted Hayes before anything else took place. Personally I think his actions were a major overreaction to comments which didn't deserve more than a punch in the nose at best. Even possessing a knife of the type used, much less carrying it into a bar raises serious questions. I don't hate Olaska, and feel for the pain of his own family, but it changes nothing. Yes, we must all take responsibility for the words we say. But, NO word or insult can EVER justify such violence nor the taking of a life. But then, that's simply MY opinion. My prayer is for fair& appropriate justice & in time, healing for all.
Jeff Ward
1:31 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Gina,
First of all I'm very sorry for your loss. From every angle Shaun appears to have been an extraordinary person.
My goal in writing that difficult column wasn't to blame, exonerate, or stake a claim to the truth. It was to get people to apply that tragic story to their own lives and understand that all behavior has consequences - intended and unintended.
You can't live in fear, but you also never know when the person you're dealing with is about to explode despite the lack of any real justification for doing so.
A reader emailed me and said she almost get into a traffic altercation the other day, but then she thought about what happened to Shaun and just drove away. Not only does that give Shaun's life meaning - he continues to act as peacemaker - but that's what exactly I was hoping readers would take away from the column.
As for Mr. Olaska, there is no justification. He's going to get far more than 32 years. But I don't want to demonize him because that's too easy. I want to understand what would make a person with no prior history of violence lash out like that.
I join you in your prayer for justice and healing.
Jeff
Gina E
3:01 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thank you for your response. Justice and healing would be Shaun's desire. I just don't want to demonize Willie, for inasmuch as he made comments that would have been better left unsaid, no one could have imagined such an outcome. We can only guess at what may have been going on with Mr. Olaska, or his prior life experiences, level of rage, or whether something would have erupted that night without so much as a word being spoken. He could possiblly even have been trying to pick a fight. We simply don't know. I'm astounded that after the attack on Hayes he stopped to take another sip of beer before trying to leave. But, as I said, some things just don't make sense.
I do agree there are lessons to be learned. I'm no different than the next person in that regard. We've all said something we wish we could retract, but it is reasonable not to expect such an outcome.
I don't believe Shaun died in vain. God uses all things for a purpose, even those we can't comprehend. But, a mere 24 hours ago, leaving the cemetery, I gazed back for one last look. This is still fresh for our family, and to some extent for those who've heard or read about it. I just don't want to draw too many conclusions too soon.
On a personal level I'll never view a newcast involving a murder in the same way again as I'll understand the pain of those being interviewed . Shaun's eyes were donated, but I'll be seeing through his lenses in that regard. We'll put that in the plus column! :-)
Sonja Holzman
1:57 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wow. So many emotionally charged responses to this article. And no surprise - nobody can possibly fathom how something like this could happen. Whether or not Olaska was harassing others and should have been escorted out is irrelevant. Had there not been a video camera to show all that, would people feel differently? The bottom line is that man's life was lost. It is a tragedy. Many, many people's lives will forever be changed by the events that took place. Jeff, that is what I took away from this article, along with your suggestion to keep these events in mind the next time I feel the need to lose my S**T about something as simple as someone teasing me. You just never know. To the rest who are somehow taking their own frustrations out on Mr. Ward for being brave enough to stick his neck out and address this difficult topic, shame on you.
wildwoman36
7:29 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Jeff,
I loved this article. Very thought provoking.
At an early age, we tried to explain the word "accident" to our children. Bottom line: things happen and sometimes there just is no good explanation.
Anger is a very powerful weapon. The Wild's are a spirited group and there is a lot of anger. However, anger is very destructive and is not the answer to this tragic event.
I have chosen to take one step forward and move in a positive direction with Shaun's arms around me and his words being softly spoken into my ears.
The good news is Shaun always wanted to be an outstanding coach and truly make a difference in the lives of others. I choose to move forward with Coach Wild and "accentuate the positive". Shaun is hard at work, and those that truly know him and love him are already seeing the power of Shaun Wild.
His Naperville Wing Men have been with us in Brown Deer helping to bridge that gap between our two communities and move forward with "Team Wild." We have some amazing things planned. "It's all good."
Sending Wild Love,
Jami Wild (aka Shaun's Mom)
Tammy D
10:35 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Mrs. Wild,
I can't even begin to understand your pain and suffering. I can, however, tell you that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Shaun will not be forgotten by the people who's lives he touched on a daily basis. He will live on in the hearts of his students, friends and family. Please don't let that anger overtake you. From seeing Shaun's smiling picture above, I feel as though he would not want that for you. His smile made me smile through my own tears. You are an amazing woman and Shaun was lucky to have you as his mother. God Bless you and your family!
Jeff Ward
9:01 pm on Saturday, February 11, 2012
Jami,
First, your loss is unimaginable. My wife and I lost twins 8 months into a pregnancy and as difficult as that was, I can't imagine the pain you and your family are feeling right now.
And I don't think you realize how much your post means to me. I know some people will never believe this, but I'm not so sure I authored that column. That was not what I intended to write when I sat down at the keyboard. Before I submitted it, I told one of the folks to whom I read it (a teacher) that I was simply a conduit through which the words came.
That doesn't mean I'm not taking responsibility for those words, but that column demanded to be written. Was it Shaun? I wish I could tell you, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Especially as I move forward in my coaching, you better believe I'll be keeping Shaun in mind. So while I can't tell where those words came from, I can tell you Shaun will not be forgotten. And if that's the measure of even a too short life, then he's managed to accomplish something that few of us ever do - making a difference.
If you ever want to talk about Shaun (I'd love to hear more about him), send me an email through Patch and I'll send you my unlisted number. In the meantime, there's Ward love coming your way and I'll take all the Wild love I can get
Jeff
Brian Doyle
9:52 am on Sunday, February 12, 2012
Jeff: I think what you're writing about here may be only tangentially related to this tragic story. The clue lies in your opening paragraphs and your comment about road rage (with which I completely empathize, btw.)
There's a Taoist saying that's been making the rounds on Facebook lately:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
None of us will ever know what habits of thought led Daniel Olaska to bring a knife to a bar and let some innocent ribbing trigger his inner demons. That's really not the point for us here.
The issue is what are we doing about our own inner demons in a day and age when reckless words and blame gaming consume us--especially in online forums like this one?
Jeff Ward
10:04 am on Sunday, February 12, 2012
Brian,
You're dead on. Though I too embrace the words of Lao Tzu, on some level, I thought that making the column more personal might work better towards making your point. I'm still not sure if I succeeded.
Jeff
MM Thompson
11:24 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Mr. Ward,
I want you to know that I share the most possible respect for your intentions written here. But what purpose do you serve the community when writing about what you believed happened? What purpose does your speculation serve? It does not heal, it does not support, it only generates speculation which and quickly lead to falsehoods. What a great disappointment. Maybe folks are correct when saying Patch.com is just an outlet or gossip and not fact.
Bkwrm54
2:52 pm on Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Your column, for what ever reason, was emotional, i cried while i read all of the comments.I know I will think twice about reacting to angry situation and make sure I do not start one, I hope we all can learn from what happen here and control our tempers and learn to say "let's just walk away from this" we do not have to have the last word, because "nobody wins". Unfortunate some people under the influence of alcohol become violent and cannot think straight or logically and bad things happens. I think we should all take a look at ourselves next time we are in a confrontation with angry people, SHUT UP & WALK AWAY!
I loved your column and I am sending it to everyone I know, so they can avoid what happened here.