...and to this day, whenever the leaves swirl in the wicked November winds...

And the evil cows' plan was put into motion. . .

...and the turkey picked the short straw. Little did he know it was barnyard conspiracy.

Early in the history of the breakfast foods, a trend towards pork bacon was our saving grace. Now with a trend towards health, turkey bacon is becoming fashionable. Our beacon of hope is that turkey bacon basically sucks. We can still sleep well (save for that one, horrible day each year).

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house not a creature was stirring.........Say your turkey prayers because 47.7% will get the presidential pardon on Thanksgiving day and because of the new TAX on turkey... consumption will be at an all time low

And son, this is why we are advocates for tofurkey. The End

I just hate reading these types of stories, the poor fool turkey always gets it in the end!

As the tall sailing ships came into the bay...our native brothers turned to us and said "this doesn't look good for any of us, gr8 feathered ones!"

"...and that's when the evil stuffing troll said, 'up yours!'"

...for whom does the axe swing? It swings for thee...

.. and there is nothing to be thankful for afterall.

...and that's when the Jack the Turkey heard the giant butcher say, "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, you'll soon have stuffing up your bum"

And my little jake on election night once again a real turkey was reelected.

...and there, in the web, were the letters: R-U-N!

... and ducks and the wabbits banded together, and declared it "Turkey Season"

And that's why our ancestors created the under ground turkey railroad...

"And that, Sonny, is why we must keep our head in emergencies!"

" ... that most feared day, when we gobblers become gobblees..."

"And then, William Bradford, in 'Of Plymouth Plantation': wrote, 'And besides waterfowl there was great store of wild turkeys, of which they took many.' ASSASSINS!

"Turkeys typically have very little impact on Black Friday sales, as by the day before many are already finished at the chopping center."

"...and then, in October 1863, came Lincoln's proclamation to observe the last Thursday of November as a day of Thanksgiving ...well, your foreturkeys knew just what this would mean for our kind; they gathered in groups and lamented, "Wattle we do? Wattle happen to us?"

And then they all feasted on the platter of cooked humans......and that is where the annual ritual of cooking people and gathering around the table began. The end.

... and then they take something called stuffing and you'll never believe what they do with THAT!

.....and no one lived happily ever after.

"And then, after being re-elected, President Obama pardoned the Thanksgiving turkey."

"And the turkey said, "Thanks! I'm almost glad I lost, because NOW I can go back to running Bain Capital and outsourcing EVEN MORE American jobs! WOO-HOO!"

"We'd love to have you for dinner,:" said the kindly looking old Pilgrim.

"I accept," Tom Turkey said.

And that was the last time anyone ever saw Tom.

The End.

Would you like me to read from Chapter One? Ways to cook the turkey: Bake, Rotisserie, and the latest method, Deep Fry.

Or from Chapter Two. Carving the white meat and the dark meat. ??

....And then the farmer said "It's really cold outside, Gobble. Why don't you come on inside and I'll prepare a nice warm place for you"........

Are you sure you want me to read this? We could watch Friday the 13th or Saw or......

"......and on the sixth day God created TURKEY dinner...and on the seventh they rested."

When you see cranberry sauce you know you're in trouble!

It all began when one our lost ancestors wandered into what he thought was a friendly gathering of Pilgrims and local Indians. What happened next is too terrible for words!

And once upon a time my dear young turkey our liberal Democrates reelected the loser Obama and goosed us with a joke of useless Obamacare and violated our religious freedom. Intrensic evil my little one and we all lived unhappily ever after in a evil and immoral world.

"....and the dish ran away with the spoon!"

...the pilgrims went fowl hunting. The Indians brought five deer. There was a sugar shortage so probably there wasn't any pie & cakes. ??? This sounds like a conspiracy theory for jesse ventura!

Once upon a time my little turkey there are people that don't believe in God or the Catholic faith, but yet many of the idiot people celebrate Christmas with their family and children. That my little turkey shows you how stupid people are and they don't realize they are celebrating the birth of Christ and the Christian faith. So my little turkey why is it they celebrate Christmas then. They aren't to bright my little one. End of a sad story.

Congrats Dorksciple; you just managed to insult everyone who isn't Catholic. Just keep making friends and spewing garbage.

Bob B the truth hurts. Plus if you read I said Christian. This is for the non believers in Christian faith. This mostly pertains to atheist and agnostics.

Christ is Christmas
and
St. Nicholas is Santa Claus that is celebrated on December 6th.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/

We should all understand the stories that we celebrate during this time, then maybe we could get back to the basics and not fight one another at black Friday events.

Reasons why Humans should not use Turkey for thier main food on Thanks giving.. Turkey Troots, Turkey Farts, Turkey breath, Turkey gas........ Son the list goes on and on...... But the Pilgrams s would not listen to us.

And that, my son, concludes chapter 8, "Why Turkeys Don't Wear Underwear".

and son, if you're fortunate enough, you won't end up in Paula Dean's gobbler cobbler!